Lovable (?)

You want acceptance,

Where I can only give you forgiveness.

And I want love,

Where you can only give me pity.

Screaming and crying,

Kicking and dying.

When he asked me where he could bite me.

I wanted to say, 

With every ounce of loneliness in me, 

“my heart”. 

My heart

Made of gold,

Only for him to find inside it,

A worthless soul.

That’ll make him stop.

That’ll make him leave.

That’ll crumble the narcissistic hope,

Growing inside of me.

The hope of proof.

To make me lovable.

Make me a natural at it.

Look at how long I can hold my breath.

Look at how fast I can run.

Look at how quickly I can fall in love.

Look at how much I can give you.

Just fall in love with me.

Please.

Just show me that I’m capable of the one thing 

That I've never been able to get a hold of.

The madness of this cat and mouse game

Where I am the cheese.

A bait and switch.

Never in the picture,

But a catalyst for others.

When gruesome criminals have found love,

What makes me undeserving of it?

When sins so great 

Out do my ability to come forth,

 Who do I take revenge on?

Always the “lovable”,

But never the loved.

Always the melody,

Never the hummed.